Cleaning Up Messes

by Zen Gray

I am a very good driver. Usually.

My apologies for using a horribly outdated movie reference, but I was so upset and distracted about the situation with my mom that I ran a red light. Well, I slammed on my brakes after a car crossed my path and skidded to a stop in the middle of the intersection. (And for the record, I was not on the phone nor was the radio on.)

Thankfully, and miraculously, I didn’t hit anyone but it really freaked me out. I came home immediately and called my mom again. I’m so happy to report that we cleared up our misunderstanding.

But it made me wonder,  “How can ANYONE function when a major relationship in their life is malfunctioning?”

I think the answer is: we can’t. Relationships are important and they AFFECT us even if we try to pretend that they don’t. We can bury ourselves in work, in food, in drugs, in sex, in gambling, in soap operas or whatever other hard or soft addiction we can think of  — but I think facing our “stuff” head-on is the only way to live a fully-functioning and fulfilling life. In short, I’m a big fan of cleaning up messes.

I know that every time in my life when I’ve gained weight, it’s because I haven’t cleaned up a “mess” which was relationship-related. I cleaned it up and the weight dropped off. I’m fully aware that I’m an emotional eater, and if I’m not addressing something that’s upsetting me, I will look for comfort in food.

So my solution has been to take responsibility for MY actions. I’ve noticed when I do that,  my life gets better and better. Just sayin’…

By the way, thank you for all the kind messages and phone calls about my quarrel with my mom. I was surprised at how many people responded to my last blog. Even though there weren’t many posted comments, I received a bunch of phone calls and emails all saying basically the same thing: “Oy, mothers. Hang in there. It’s worth fixing no matter what.”

I agree.

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One Comment to “Cleaning Up Messes”

  1. “How can ANYONE function when a major relationship in their life is malfunctioning?”
    This statement has been knawing at me for days. One of the most important relationships in my life has been beyond malfunctioning for a good 6 years now. Any cowinkadink that it’s also when my weight gain started? When you are unhappy and stressed your body releases that HORRIBLE hormone Cortosol …it’s almost all in my belly….you don’t have that support..you don’t feel the love…you feel at your wits end. If someone else doesn’t love you enough..then why should you is almost the very dark place you go to. It zaps your energy..you don’t care what you are eating or to work out. The only thing I’ve been able to do..is INSPITE of it…to pull myself up and force myself to be accountable. Force myself to do the work..to make the good choices..choose to love myself. It’s not easy..there are still more dark days than good..but I try. Love ya Zen

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