Where did all my friends go?

by Zen Gray

I love being in love. I get all wrapped up in it sometimes and disappear from the world in a sappy pink bubble o’ love. I’ll find ways of spending more time together with my sweetheart and put off something that I’ll “just do tomorrow.”

Because doesn’t sleeping in together sound so much better than getting up for a workout? Isn’t celebrating with a little wine is so much more appealing than just having water? Doesn’t cuddling on the couch feel so much more comfy than taking a walk after dinner? And it’s no big deal if I just call someone back tomorrow, right?

With that kind of logic, I not only gained weight while being in love but I lost an important part of my life. Friends I used to see and talk to on a regular basis went weeks or even MONTHS without hearing from me.

Sound familiar?

Thank goodness for Facebook or I’d never catch up with some people. (Ugh… that’s just wrong.) I’ve already made a lot of progress where friends are concerned… but this year will be different. Better! This year, I’m putting friendly get-togethers and phone calls on a calendar and scheduling them like any other important appointment… because at the end of the day (or at the end of my life!) they are just as important. I don’t want to let my amazing friendships just fade out.

Many of my friends, I’ve realized, are people I’ve met while doing the things I love. I have gym friends, dancing friends, karaoke friends, sci-fi movie friends, charity friends, self-help seminar friends, nutrition friends, new-agey friends, sorority friends, school friends, friends of friends, and friends that I’ve just randomly connected with at the oddest times. (My best friend, Jen, met me while I was on a first date with some guy over 12 years ago… can’t even remember his name now.)

I understand that I can’t keep everyone as a close friend all the time because people ARE busy after all. But I think connecting with friends is like reconnecting with oneself… and that’s an important part of living a balanced life.

Love you, my friends πŸ™‚



10 Comments to “Where did all my friends go?”

  1. Zen…
    This blog of yours could not have come at a better time in my life…So nice timing there chica ;)…Seriously…Yesterday, I was feeling very empty and I was struggling with the fact that it is hard, as a wife and mother of two little busy boys, to maintain friendships…I’ll explain…When I was twelve I lost my grandfather whom was the light of my life…Then at 15 I watched my precious 5 month old nephew take his last breath from a tragic incident…I thought, “what in the world is God doing to me!”…I was a very angry and distant person for a long period of my life…But then it hit me one day…Maybe God was showing me that I needed to live for the moment, not always plan like I do, and to make known to each person in my life of how truly important and loved they are…I can’t tell you how old I was when I had this revelation, in my early twenties though, so I accepted Christ into my life and vowed to him to always give thanks, live for the moment, and to make sure each person I loved knew it at the end of the day…Since, I have never walked away from an argument or misunderstanding without resolving the issue and making sure that the other person felt better themselves…As I will never do again…I value life in a different way because I saw how easily it could be taken…Life is truly precious and something remarkable we are given…So back to what I was saying…Friends are busy just as you said…And sometimes it makes me feel like they don’t try hard enough(because I do put forward the effort and I’m just as busy) to be friendly back or to always make time for me in the way that I would them…I get down about it and it truly saddens my heart…I love people…I adore every friend I have and always want them to know how much they mean to me…I may come off a little strange at times because I tell people I love them a lot…But you know, I may not have a second chance…So for new year I vowed to keep doing what I’m doing…Even if I don’t receive their love and time in return…I know deep down they do love me…And I still am going to continue to make certain they know how much they mean to me…So thanks for sharing this blog…I know that I am crazy for feeling the way I do…I do have remarkable friends out there and I will continue to find time for each and love them for today…Tomorrow may not come…

    So Z…Here’s to you…My friend…I’ve never seen your face…But I’ve told you before…You are truly an astounding person and have touched my heart in such a way…I thank God I have had the opportunity to know someone of your character and finesse!

    God Bless Z!

  2. If you could figure out how to get me out of bed in the mornings – and give up the extra “5 minutes” of cuddle time… that would be the holy grail.

  3. Thank you, Melissa. I think it’s wonderful that you’ve decided to be loving even if there’s an argument or distance between you and your loved ones. And you’re right, all you can do is control YOUR behavior and just know that they love you, too. ( I have a tough time with that fact sometimes. Does that make me a control freak? πŸ˜‰

  4. Nicole,
    Perhaps you don’t have to give up the 5 minutes of cuddle time if you get to bed earlier? That doesn’t sound so bad to me… lol. I’m just talking about skipping workouts all together. Oh, and in the mornings if you wake up super cold like I do… have your Uggs and a thick robe right by the bed. I swear those warm boots have made a huge difference! I try to keep that “warm-under-the-blanket” feeling as I make my way to the bathroom… and then I’m golden πŸ™‚

  5. friend for life here Mammmma!
    and now we live even closer. no excuses.
    sending you joy today.

  6. My best girl…loved this entry (and the fact that it mentions me directly is just a bonus). Funny, we’ve all been guilty of letting our friends slip away when we fall in love…it’s easy to do. But I, too, try to make sure I nurture those relationships with as much gusto as my romantic one. Loved your line about how you reconnect with yourself through your friends. I think of that often when I reflect on our friendship…and I’m always reminded of this Judy Blume quote:

    “We are friends for life. When we’re together the years fall away. Isn’t that what matters? To have someone who can remember with you? To have someone who remembers how far you’ve come?”

    Love you, friend. xoxo

  7. Hey Zen!

    Love your blogs, and yes, they do sound oh so familiar to me! lol! thank you though, because when i read them i know that im not alone in my thoughts and struggles! I’ll be reading regularly and commenting πŸ™‚


  8. Meg! I love that we’re so close and I’m so thankful to have such a ray of sunshine for a friend! Love you πŸ™‚ xoxo

  9. Hey friend! I’m so glad that we got together early last year and made that bucket list while sitting on your couch. What a difference a year makes. So happy to stay connected with you regardless of timezones. Love you!!! xoxo

  10. Hey Veronica πŸ™‚ Thank you so much for the feedback and I’m so glad that you identify with some of the same struggles I have. I’m hoping to connect with as many women as I can so we can all lift each other up. Thanks again for reading and sharing.

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